Put On Your Wizard Robes
by Tannhaeuser
Summary: A parody to the tune of “Put on Your Sunday Clothes” from "Hello, Dolly!" As heard on the "Wall-E" soundtrack.


_To the tune of "Put on Your Sunday Clothes" from_ Hello, Dolly! _as heard on the_ Wall-E _soundtrack._

_Harry:_

Out there,  
There's a school that they call Hogwarts!  
What my uncle calls a slick con, easily,  
Is no trick, Ron Weasley!

Out there,  
Full of magic and enchantment –  
Is it just a lie, a show done queasily?  
No, Ron Weasley!

Put on your wizard robes, because we're almost there!  
Pack up your wand, and give your owl a rouse.  
We're gonna find adventure on each moving stair.

Gryffindor  
Greets us with a roar  
As we score some more for the House!  
Put on your wizard robes! We'll smash the Slytherins,  
And start with Draco Malfoy, that low louse.

_Harry and Ron:_

We'll catch each Snitch  
On the Quidditch pitch,  
And each witch to us will look up,  
And we won't come home until we've won the Cup!

_Hermione:_

Put on your wizard robes when you feel like a Squib.  
With pointy hat a witch just can't feel low.  
It's better still with raven quill and sharpened nib,  
A tabby cat,  
An owl, toad, or rat,  
For a supernatural glow!

_Hermione and Neville:_

When magic wands appear the world's a clear, sweet song,  
A Classic spell you may well find in Loeb's!

_Hermione, Neville, and Ginny:_

Though it be snowing,  
Your mantle's glowing  
With stars and crescents and globes,

_Hermione, Neville, Ginny, and Chorus:_

For it's sun, not blizzard, in your wizard –  
No blizzard in your wizard –  
No blizzard in your wizard robes!

_Malfoy, Crabbe, and Goyle:_

Put on your wizard robes when you've a hex to cast.  
In hoods and masks your spells hurt all the worse.  
Dressed like a dream a Mudblood's scream is such a blast.  
A flowing cape,  
In the style of Snape,  
Adds panache and verve to your curse!

_Female Chorus:_

With broom beneath your arm the world's a charm so strong…

_Male Chorus:_

It makes your troubles shrink down to microbes!

_Hermione, Neville, Ginny, and Chorus_:

Get out your britches –

_Harry, Ron, and Chorus:_

Your Golden Snitches –

_Malfoy, Crabbe, Goyle, and Chorus:_

Your racks, and thumbscrews, and probes –

_Harry, Ron, Hermione, Neville, Ginny, Malfoy, Crabbe, Goyle, and Chorus:_

For it's sun, not blizzard, in your wizard robes!

_First Years' Chorus:_

Put on your wizard robes to face the Giant Squid.  
A dapper look will help in that ordeal.

_Female Chorus:_

Dress nattily and you may be relieved you did.

_Male and Female Chorus:_

If it's impressed  
With the way you're dressed,  
Then it might not make you its meal!

_Harry, Ron, Hermione, Neville, Ginny, Malfoy, Crabbe, Goyle, and Chorus:_

Beneath your wishing-cap the world's a happy song –  
The kind you play allaying magiphobes!

_Chorus:_

Get out your Kneazles,  
Your Jarvey-weasels,  
Your Clabberts flashing like strobes,  
For it's sun, not blizzard, in your wizard robes!

_Hermione (spoken):_

Ginny, no more diaries – they are far too Slytherinny!  
Neville, don't be nervous – get a grip.  
Mr. Potter, Mr. Weasley, don't forget Neville and Ginny –  
Just in case they try to form a secret ship!

_(sung, in the manner of a conductor, echoed by Chorus):_

Huffle-PUFF! (Huffle-PUFF!)

Raven-CLAW! (Raven-CLAW!)

Gryffin-DOR! (Slyther-IN! Huffle-PUFF! Raven-CLAW! Gryffin-DOR!)

_Harry, Ron, Hermione, and Chorus:_

Put on your wizard robes, because we're almost there!  
Put your House jumper on and don your tie.  
We're gonna find adventure on each moving stair:

_Harry (to Malfoy):_

We three, old pal,  
Find you lot banal –  
So Crabbe, Goyle, and Malfoy, good-bye!

_Harry, Ron, and Hermione fling them off the train._

_Malfoy, Crabbe, and Goyle (screamed):_

Yah!

_Harry, Ron, Hermione, and Chorus:_

Put on your scholar's gown, and down upon our toes  
We'll wear a Common Welsh Green dragon shoe!

_Hermione:_

I've read they use the cast-off hides!

_Harry, Ron, Hermione, Neville, Ginny, and Chorus:_

Now, clad in V-Necks  
We'll join the Phœnix,  
And this, I promise, is true,  
That we won't come home –  
No, we won't come home –  
No, we won't come home till we beat You-Know-Who!


End file.
